Behind Blue Eyes
by jaimed1968
Summary: Who's reminiscing about the events of his life?


Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or the song 'Behind Blue Eyes.' They belong to their respective owners. No financial gain is acquired through this endeavor, just the pure satisfaction of a writing to music.

* * *

Behind Blue Eyes

His smoky-blue eyes roved over the home of his once prosperous clan. The view from the top of the waterfall was wondrous with the ability to be able to see for miles in any given direction. He thought about his life, how it was full of things that he wasn't proud of such as the death of the little village that Rin had come from.

_No one knows what it's like to be the bad man  
_

The look of fear in her chocolate brown eyes that day so long ago affected him more than he let on. It was after his encounter with Lord Sesshomaru that his lieutenants finally spilled their guts about what had happened, why they feared his crossing paths of the demon lord.

"Feh… you two worry too much. I'm faster than him," he scoffed, munching on the bag of chips Kagome had given him. "It would have been over before it started. Besides with the jewel shards in my legs… I'd have had the upper hand!"

Hakkaku and Ginta looked at one another as they both thought the same thing, "Yeah, right!" but they were used to their leader's bragging as well as his physical prowess that had gotten him out of more troublesome problems than they could count, especially from the massive halberd of the recently deceased mercenary, Bankotsu.

Shaking his head from the memories of that fight, Koga thought to the more recent fight that he had with Naraku. With his legs pulled up, he ran his hands down the fur leggings of his lower legs, feeling the scars from where the jewel shards once resided.

_To be the sad man behind blue eyes  
_

"I lost her that day," he thought sadly, reminiscing about the last time he saw his heart's desire.

They sat upon a hill as the sun sank into the distant, watching Inuyasha as he held his first love as she passed from this world. He could smell Kagome's tears from where he sat a bit down wind from her. His heart wanted to pull her into a warm embrace, to comfort her in her time of need, but his mind kept telling him that she wasn't his, and that she'd never be his.

Tossing a rock out into the river below, Koga thought darkly, "I should have listened to my heart that night. I'd have at least been able to hold her once more and know that she was okay. But now… now she's with that mutt and I'm all alone."

_No one knows what it's like  
To be hated, to be fated to telling only lies_

"If I had only told her that I love her, with my whole heart. But what do I do… I tell the mutt to take care of her. Damn it! I should have taken her with me, seeing how much pain she was in," he mentally slapped himself. "She's always been so caring toward me and others. Why did I have to walk away from her?"

_But my dreams, they aren't as empty  
_

Looking into the sky, the color of his eyes, he thought of all that he'd dreamed, of his raven beauty at his side, of the pups that they'd have had together… a big strapping boy like him and a couple of girls like their mother. Tears came to his eyes of the love that he'd seen in Kagome's eyes as she held each of their kids, of the love that those same chocolate eyes held for him as they coupled for the fourth child. With the back of his hand he wiped the tears from his eyes as he berated himself once more.

_As my conscience seems to be  
_

"Yeah… what a nightmare that is now… now that she's never going to know what I could have given her. But I had to concede that the mutt was a better mate for her. Despite all that he's put her through, he'd be able to protect her better than I could ever have done without the jewel shards in my legs," he said out loud, having to hear his own voice affirm what his mind had kept telling him.

_I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance that's never free_

On his way back to the mountains, the hours of distancing that he did to keep from running back to Kagome he thought of all that she'd meant to him, of all that she'd done selflessly for others. He recalled a time shortly after he'd met the raven haired beauty from another century. She and the others were trying to keep him from getting killed, but he'd refused to listen, bloodlust deep within his darkened heart. The _Dance of Blades_ should have killed him in his fight with Kagura, as well as his fight with Inuyasha. If it hadn't been for Kagome… he'd probably have died that night.

_No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings like I do and I blame you!_

He blamed Kagome for stirring the feelings that caused his heart to beat faster, the dreams that caused him to wake in a thick sweat, breathing hard with an erection that only a dip in the freezing waters of the river below would quench. "I don't really blame her in a bad way," he thought as he continued to look over the valley. "It's more like I blame him… the insolent mutt who she's enthralled with." He kicked a rock out over the cliff as he thought of the mutt. "He's caused her so much pain…"

_No one bites back as hard on their anger_

_None of my pain and woe can show through_

He could feel her pain that night, the quivering of her body as she silently wept. Tears edged her chocolate eyes, threatening to fall as she watched her secret love cradle his dying beloved. "I knew I should have comforted her in her time of need, but I was hurting too and I couldn't do anything," he thought as he absently rubbed his lower legs once more, feeling the scars where the shards once resided.

"But if it wasn't for the love that I have for my clan… I'd never have gotten the Goraishi," he recalled as he flexed his claws, the metallic extensions glistening in the sunlight. The fight came back to his mind, flooding his body with the exhilaration of battle. Singed fur wafted in the air as he defended his lieutenants from the assault of the ghosts of the wolf clans past. It was because of his courage and the love that he had for his comrades that the Goraishi was bestowed upon him. A slight smirk crossed his face as he thought of all that he'd been through in the last year or so.

_No one knows what it's like to be the bad man_

Tears streamed down his face once more. The sun had set and the full moon rose slowly over the eastern sky. A montage of his life since having the jewel shards cascaded through his mind, both the good and the horrific. Throwing his head back, a most baleful sound escaped his lips as the howl of a lone wolf, mourning all that he'd lost resounded through the majestic valley. A though crossed his mind as his unanswered cry reverberated through the air,

"I'd change parts of it… but my love for Kagome will endure."_  
_

_To be the sad man behind blue eyes_


End file.
